By Ace-Jensen (A.J.) Mahari © 2005-2007

BPD: The Awakening

The awakening - the epiphany is that moment in time when things click in such a way as to give you a precious opportunity to recover and heal. Yes, this can and does happen for those with BPD.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) greatly affects not only the lives of those diagnosed with it but also the lives of untold numbers of family and friends.

For both the person with BPD and those who are in that person's life there must be an awakening if the pain is to be healed.

Some liken this awakening to an epiphany. A single moment in time that stands out, in unchallenged clarity like no other moment before it in which the person with BPD, and or the non-borderline, in the life of a person with BPD, suddenly understands what has kept them to tied to or invested in the experiences in life that they have lived so far.

This offered moment, which may come about many times, in many moments, before one is ready to embrace the pain of the journey of recovery leads one to be face to face with the formidable reality of his or her Core Wound of Abandonment as A.J. Mahari outlines in her ebook, The Legacy of Abandonment In Borderline Personality Disorder

You cannot wade into any moment's opportunity of awakening without beginning to walk the bridge that leads you to the pain of your core wound of abandonmen and its legacy of pain in your life.

It's a time when the realization of choices and the power of self is first discovered. It is a moment in which one finds both relief from pain and a different sort of pain - the pain of personal responsibility. Admitting one's old patterned pain, grieving it and letting it go frees up the space inside for one to come to grasp with this new pain.

The new pain, which is healing energy, is pain in which, possibly for the first time, as the borderline matures, he/she comes to realize how much others have been hurt by him/her. He/she comes to know that he/she is not the only one in life with pain.

This is the beginning of moving out of borderline narcissism. As the borderline begins to define him/herself, he/she is then able to see "other" as clearly separate from that.

This awakening calls each person to step out beyond where they've ever been before. To reach past old thoughts, beliefs and coping mechanisms. To reach past old excuses, patterns of shame and blame and to clearly see both the reality of their suffering and the purpose of it at the same time. This awakening is an understanding of one's suffering and a taking action to culminate the lessons that life holds for you with the end of such suffering.

By Ace-Jensen (A.J.) Mahari © 2005-2007

This awakening is a conscious shift from child to emotionally maturing adult. It is here that one learns the power that lies within the kind of personal responsibility that allows one to stop blaming others. Here is where one crosses the bridge from victim to survivor. You now realize that you are indeed in charge of your own destiny and that you are the one making the choices that will now either bring you pain or peace.

This awakening is the borderline stopping in his/her tracks long enough to find the grey of where they've been, where they are and where they need to go. This grey, in this awakening, is new. It is the first time you peak your head out of that rigid black in white in which everything was someone's else's fault and in which your past continued to be re-lived out in all of your todays.

Here, in this awakening, you -- YOU -- finally come to find yourself. You set out on this new journey to define, understand, clarify and learn to accept, trust and then love this "self" that is the YOU that you have always been meant to be. You will become that you. Follow the wondrous footsteps of your awakening.

Know that as you awake from this most complex personality disorder, all cannot be gained at once. Each realization, each epiphany, each awakening is a step. A small step forward. Sometimes you will be pulled a step or two or three back -- Don't Panic! This is the process of recovery and healing. One step forward and three steps back to allow you to take your next step forward just that little bit extra forward into the realm of the you that you are becoming. This is a new you. A new place, and a new process. Trust it. Let it unfold. Be patient. You deserve this. It will happen. Give it time.

Make no mistake about it, you cannot experience this awakening until you get honest with yourself and with others. It is here that you must begin to take care of yourself. Nurture yourself. Learn to meet your own needs. Soothe yourself. Let go of trying to meet your needs through others. This is so painful for both you and the others that you know.

This awakening sees you catch your projections and your transferences. Each time you see through one of them you can begin to heal the issue that lies at its core. Remember, it's not about "them", it's about "you". Your issues are yours. Your process is yours. Your pain is yours. Just as the issues of others, the process and pain of others is theirs to bear and to cope with.

This awakening will lead you to an understanding of "self" - authentic self. It will enable you to learn how to erect and protect your own boundaries in ways that are situationally - appropriate. You put a buffer between the most precious part of your tender soul and the world. The fact that you lived without this buffer for so long was one of the main reasons you've always been in such unbearable pain.

Stop being who “they” wanted you to be, told you that you were, and be the you that you most desire to be. Your pain is born in trying to live up to the depths of the pain of those who abused you and or did not meet you emotional and nurture needs when you were young. Be your own person.

You learn that you truly have nothing to fear but fear itself. You will begin to distinguish between yourself and others. This will increase your tolerance for things in new ways. You will learn that you have nothing to fear from those who disagree with you. Disagreeing with you does not invalidate you. People can agree to disagree with respect. Here you will learn to respect yourself which in turn allows you to respect others. When you respect others they tend to respect you back.

This awakening is a plunge into the world of emotional and social reciprocity. You will learn to share. You will learn give and take. You can come to see yourself as competent and worthy of esteem and love.

The awakening is about you finding you and it is about you deciding who you want to be and then becoming that person. It is about you choosing your own path and walking down it, one step at a time. Journey on for this awakening is but the first mountain peak in a entire range of mountains. Enjoy the journey.

Be true to your process.

Journey on and step purposefully and carefully.

© Ms. A.J. Mahari - November 4, 2000

The Legacy of Abandonment - The Core Wound of Abandonment In Borderline Peronality Disorder

as of January 5, 2002