Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is like a cage and
those diagnosed with are often stuck in the position of a hamster
in a cage. Picture the hamster walking endlessly on the wheel in
this cage and getting nowhere. Lots of energy is spent, lots of
effort is put forth but around and around in circles goes the
borderline, the hamster, anyway. Why? What is it about
BPD that cages the borderline like a hamster?
BPD separates the borderline from the world around him/her just
as a cage separates a hamster from the larger environment in
which it exists.
Whenever there is this separation there
is a degree of stuckness that causes isolation and alienation
as well as anger and often an attitude of "poor me" that then
further pushes others away. It is not easy to even contemplate
freedom, let alone to actually attain and maintain it along
with the personal responsibility that it entails. Borderline
Personality Disorder cages it's sufferers from the average
range of emotion and interpretation of many aspects of life.
With or without conscious awareness the borderline tends to
continually walk in the same footsteps that they have always
walked in. The footsteps of judgment, devaluation, grandiosity,
narcissism, anger, cognitively-distorted thoughts, and the wheel
continues to turn with the squeakingly-silent and painful reality
of a trapped sense of a piece of the big picture known as
"collective reality." When the pieces of the collective reality
within the big picture are not held or consistently understood
this gives the BPD abyss it's circular spin.
One must first step off the wheel in order to begin to journey
toward oneself. Merely continuing to drive the wheel of your
cage, or the traits of your personality disorder will get you
nowhere. There may be a false sense of safety within the confines
of your cage, and your false self/selves but you can see from your
wheel, and your cage, beyond your angst and pain that there is
in fact a world beyond. There is something more.
It is okay to want that something more. That something more is
attainable when you are ready to make the choices necessary to
free yourself from all of the cages that BPD is.
Stepping off of the wheel, beginning to explore the cage, it's
limits and realities is how one can find the door. The door to
this cage is not an easy one to open. There is a maze quality to
working one's way out of BPD. However, when you choose to get
off of the wheel and to open that door there is nothing standing
in your way to a life outside of that limiting cage. In order
to claim this life and to make those choices and to keep moving
forward in learning, growth, responsibility and cognitively
sound thinking you must be prepared to face your fears, to
work through all of your triggers and to know beyond a shadow
of a doubt that if you want new and different results you must
first make new and different choices by refusing to be the hamster
in the cage any longer.
Often in the throes of BPD you may not
understand or realize that everything you do is your responsibility
and that your life is your responsibility no matter what may have
happened to you in the past. In the here and now, today, your
getting off of that wheel and breaking out of that cage depends
It depends upon your choosing to find and be who you authentically are.
Life beyond the wheel and the cage of BPD means that you must
come to know who you are, to accept who you are and to love
yourself for who you are. It is the journey unto the self, the
forming of a healthy relationship to your SELF (core authentic
self) that is your gateway to the rest of the world and to the
freedom from the cage within which you have merely existed for
sometime now, if you are borderline. Search honestly for that
door. And know that when you open that door you will not want
to go back and as you go forward it will be painful, overwhelming
(at first) new, scary and also the most exciting and wonderous gift
that you could ever claim for yourself in your life.
Opening that door means being real. Opening the door
of the BPD cage means abandoning the wheel and leaving behind
the circles that you've endlessly ruminated over, traveled
and existed within. Opening that door means learning to live
and not just being satisfied to exist anymore.
Opening the door of the cage of the personality disorder,
of borderline proportions means finally letting go of all of
the maladaptive coping skills that you've built up over time
to survive. Life is meant to be lived and not merely to be
Are you tired of running that wheel? Are you tired of being
confined to the borderline cage of mere existence, agony,
angst, pain, and aloneness? Do you want to have healthy,
fulfilling relationships? The only way to not be alone is to
first face that and learn how to be alone. When you can be alone
with yourself you can get off the wheel, stick with the
process. Find your way to the door of your cage and set yourself
free. You really do have the power. You really do have the way.
You really do have the courage. You are worthy and deserving.
Begin to open that door today. You are a world waiting to
be born. Actively work to make that re-birth a happening thing.
Borderline Personality Disorder can only remain a cage and
hold you in that hamster position as long as you choose to let it.
Choose to free yourself. You can and you will if you believe that you can
and if you want to. Step out and choose freedom.
© Ms. A.J. Mahari - April 18, 1999