Borderline rage is the protector of the primal pain of the narcissistic psychic injury that is the core wound of abandonment. Rage is a primitive, young, emotionally immature way of expressing pain and need. Rage is toxic and when not dealt with appropriately is abusive and fuels negative relationship destroying verbal abuse, physical abuse, and other types of abuse as well.

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Purchase all 3 of ebooks for NON BORDERLINES packaged together with or without audio.

Non Borderlines - You can purchase 6 ebooks packaged together with or without audio.

Those with BPD and/or Non Borderlines can purchase A.J. Mahari's 3 "Core Wound of Abandonment" series ebooks packaged together with or without audio.

Audio Programs on BPD for Borderlines and Non Borderlines by A.J. Mahari sold separately or packaged together with Mahari's Ebooks.

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BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER and RAGE Ebook Storms in the absence of self by A.J. Mahari consists of seven chapters of detailed examination, understanding, and explanation of Borderline Rage from the insightful perspective of one who has been there. A.J. provides a roadmap of hope and practical steps to help the borderline stop the rage and/or stop the self harm and heal the wounds, and transform his/her life.

Rage

Rage is a very challenging and difficult aspect of Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD) for both the person with BPD and those who know someone with BPD. The degree to which rage effects those with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), like the degree which rage manifests itself, can be a very individual experience. Rage is encompassed within the Borderline trait:

"inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger; frequent displays of temper" (listed in the DSM-IV)

Some people with BPD will manifest this rage inwardly through self-harm, suicide attempts and others will manifest it outwardly by either showing "fits of rage, temper, anger" (yelling - push/pull behaviour -- the "I hate you don't leave me" kind of thing) or through emotional abuse and physical abuse of those closest to them and or toward therapists. And some borderlines will express this rage both inwardly and outwardly.

In my experience with rage that was of borderline intensity it became apparent to me that it originated from two areas of me, biological and emotional. The major motivation of my rage has always been the result of being triggered into what were highly dissociative states. I think that until recently the degree to which many borderlines dissociate has not been understood, treated properly, or written about much, if at all. It is this triggered-dissociative reality that lends itself to the outbursts of "inappropriate" (that is situationally inappropriate) intense anger" and or rage. When a person with BPD is in the throes of this behaviour which is a major coping mechanism in order to protect an already compromised, and to one degree or another, fragmented ego they are in a dissociated state of reality. This dissociated state of reality is the "small picture". It is the fragmented reality within the world of BPD. To the outside observer of a temper tantrum, or a borderline who is raging it is not a part of his/her time-consistent reality, in the "big picture". So it is labeled "situationally inappropriate" when in fact for the situation that the borderline is re-living it is not inappropriate at all. It is a natural reaction to the pain and often the trauma that one has had inflicted upon one and that one has had to find a way to endure and survive. So the operative reality in which we live does not always unfold in the same way or time-frame, for both the person with BPD and the person who is not borderline. We live in the same physical world but emotionally we live in parallel universes.

Rage is a very protective mechanism that rises up from the centre of self and or aspects of self collectively. Rage exists where pain is not or cannot be felt and acknowledged and expressed in other ways. The pain that the borderline feels is so threatening to his/her overall survival (ego - identity) that it truly feels like one will die, be annihilated, cease to exist. The extreme behaviour of those with BPD speaks to the level of the intensity of the intra-psychic pain.

Rage is often seen and judged or described as "madness" or "insanity". However, in the triggered-dissociative reality of the person with BPD the rage is not "madness" or "insanity" within the context of his or her past experience and the damage that was done to him/her that the BPD is the result of.

Borderlines have been very unfairly judged by not only those in their own lives but by the world of the professionals as well. The stigma attached to BPD generally, and the intensity and frequency of the rage and anger that Borderlines struggle with can only be fully understood when one has lived it.

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Purchase all 3 of ebooks for NON BORDERLINES packaged together with or without audio.

Non Borderlines - You can purchase 6 ebooks packaged together with or without audio.

Those with BPD and/or Non Borderlines can purchase A.J. Mahari's 3 "Core Wound of Abandonment" series ebooks packaged together with or without audio.

Audio Programs on BPD for Borderlines and Non Borderlines by A.J. Mahari sold separately or packaged together with Mahari's Ebooks.

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I was very much filled and consumed with rage for most of my life. I was very unable to control my anger or rage when my pain would intensify to such an unbearable extent. For years I struggled in therapy to understand what was "wrong" with me. What I found out was that essentially what was "wrong" with me was what had "happened" to me in my past. What was also "wrong" with me was that I did not have a healthy enough, or intact enough ego (identity) to be able to differentiate my past from the unfolding here and now. (or then and there as it were) Until one has enough therapy and begins to understand the fragmentation and the triggers and how to make active responsible choices when triggered borderline rage is as much a life-saving protection as it is an abusive re-shaming nightmare.

The way I worked through my rage was to get in touch with my pain. In order to do this I had to learn to develop, institute and uphold boundaries for myself. I also had to learn to hold my pain as opposed to "transferring" or "projecting" it out on to others. To feel the pain and to take responsibility for MY pain instead of blocking it through my rage. Rage is without a doubt destructive in any relationship. Rage with oneself is very destructive alone as well. Rage alienates and isolates. Rage pushes people away. Rage hurts both the borderline raging and anyone who is raged at. It is a re-enactment of the pain suffered at a time of abuse, neglect or abandonment in childhood. Rage is the protector of tender young neglected unmet needs. Rage is the most emotionally immature expression of agony. It is an undeveloped, non-intellectual, child-like expression of "young" pain. This pain was created through abuse and or unmet needs. Anger in the face of the frustrated needs of a an emotionally young person is quite understandable. What people need to learn to understand about anger and rage in the borderline is that those with BPD have not been able to emotionally mature due to the very nature of the personality disorder itself.

There is no doubt that a raging adult is shifting responsibility and that an adult "should" be able to express pain and frustrated unmet needs in more situational and more age-appropriate ways. However, this personality disorder makes that next to impossible until one works very hard in therapy. The borderline is a very caring and sensitive person. Sensitive firstly to the slightest perceived threat or sign of being hurt. Borderlines do not lash out in rage to "get you" or because they enjoy it they do it because they are fighting (usually) from the body and age of an adult with the unbearable and totally ego overwhelming pain of childhood.

If you are borderline and you rage please seek help. You need to know that is not okay to treat yourself or others this way. Personality disorder or not, there is no excuse for abuse. Rage acted in or raged acted out is abusive.

If you are in a relationship with a borderline or have a family member or friend who is borderline it is up to you to ensure that you have the boundaries necessary to protect yourself from the abuse of borderline rage.

© Ms. A.J. Mahari - June 27, 1999

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Purchase all 3 of ebooks for NON BORDERLINES packaged together with or without audio.

Non Borderlines - You can purchase 6 ebooks packaged together with or without audio.

Those with BPD and/or Non Borderlines can purchase A.J. Mahari's 3 "Core Wound of Abandonment" series ebooks packaged together with or without audio.

Audio Programs on BPD for Borderlines and Non Borderlines by A.J. Mahari sold separately or packaged together with Mahari's Ebooks.

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BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER and RAGE Ebook Storms in the absence of self by A.J. Mahari consists of seven chapters of detailed examination, understanding, and explanation of Borderline Rage from the insightful perspective of one who has been there. A.J. provides a roadmap of hope and practical steps to help the borderline stop the rage and/or stop the self harm and heal the wounds, and transform his/her life.