Rejection. Ugly word. Ugly thing to have happen to you. And
it happens quite often. Rejection - When someone or something
pushes you away, not being wanted, not being needed.
Feels very close to abandonement. I need to feel needed. I am
everyone's mom, everyone's friend, everyone's confidante.
Yet... when they turn to another for help, or they obvo\iousely
have things under control... it is rejection. I am not needed.
It opens up that pit inside of me, and I fall in. I get out
of control. Depressed and manic at the same time on occassion
(dont ask me how, it happens, and according to my parents, I am
impossible to deal with.) Then i settle into one phase or the
other for a time... usually the depression. I entertain myself
by staring at a wall and "zoning".
My body remains, but my mind disappears. I imagine a scene
where I am in trouble and someone comes and "rescues" me.
The scenes vary... but in every single one, it is a situation
where I need a little bit of help. And never where I could die.
I've been having problems with this one lately. It is hard to
imagine myself in trouble, but my daughter either not in the picture or doing
well... and not affected by what is happening to me. So I
usually let my mind drift to the time before I had her. And
then imagine situations. I know I am doing this, yet am
powerless to stop. Just like I am powerless to stop breathing.
Infuriating. I would rather have control over my reactions,
then letting them control me. I have tried for years (since
before puberty) to control my thoughts, my feelings, and most
importantly, my reactions. At best, I can fake the control,
but once I am alone... I let fly.
Im rambling. I did this before.
Melissa
I cannot accurately define rejection...At least not on a personal level.
I know what the dictionary says, but my mind and emotions distort that
so far away from reality that any literal meaning became useless to me
before I was old enough to comprehend Webster. Rejection to me can
literally be someone telling me goodbye when I was already walking out
the door. It's happened...
M.
How do you define rejection?
It's so many things... It calling someone and them telling me they are
busy, it's my husband not hugging me as tight as I wanted to be hugged, it's
being told that I should just shut-up for a minute (cuz I tend to talk a
lot), it's being invited to go somewhere and there isn't enuf room and since
I was the last to be invited I'm the first to be uninvited...I could go on
forever...
If you do or have felt rejected can you share what that was like for you?
I called my dad once and he was busy and he had to go and when I hung up
I hurt so badly inside and I cried. I knew I was being irrational but it
still hurt so bad.
With my mom I tell her something that is important to me and she
interrupts me and tells me to be quiet (cuz she doesn't want to listen) and
it seems to me that she doesn't even care to hear about any part of my life.
At that point I am SO MAD. Because I know that I am not inconviencing her
much by asking her to listen for just one moment. I know that in the past I
have bugged her but now that I hardly ever talk to her and then when I
finally get to she doesn't want to hear me (sometimes even after ASKING me
about my life).
Another time I was supposed to go with my husband and his friend to a
store in another town and then at the last minute his wife wanted to go and
bring the baby so there would be no room in the car for me so my husband told
me I had to stay home. Initially I was angry. After they left I started
screaming and crying and just generally throwing a childish fit and then I
just sat down on the couch. That time I was so upset that I dissociated. It
seemed like my husband was only gone a couple minutes.
What do you do when you feel rejected?
Mostly cry and feel hurt and get angry. Sometimes I tell myself it's
because of some flaw in MY character that people don't want to talk to me or
be with me. It's never about them...it's always MY fault (I tell myself)
that they didn't want to be with me and talk to me. I guess that is
splitting. Make them the hero and me the villan. It's so much easier to think
it's something wrong with me then to stop and think for just one minute that
it may be because of them or because of something beyond my control.
Melanie
I don't know how to define rejection, all I know is that it is the singular
most motivating thing in my world...... it hurts me more than anything, it
can be judgement, abandonment...... its someone else saying yet again that
I am nothing but a worthless, lazy, evil, nasty piece of crap.... and not
worth their time or effort........ it reconfirms my own beliefs of self....
and makes me feel like I am dying inside........ I will do anything to
avoid it, and I will lash out and try to rip one to shreds emotionally,
spiritually, if not physically if I feel they have rejected me in some way,
it fuels my rages, and my depressions.... it is what makes me tick........
and I hate it even tho it is the very air i breathe, i am surrounded by it
at every turn, or so it seems...... every action taken towards me, appears
to be a manifestation of some kind of rejection...... I see it everywhere,
feel it intensely..... whether it is there or not....... i hate it.......
so i scream accept me accept me, accept me!!!!!!!!!!!!
and then i withdraw, because i feel no one does, and i want to protect myself from
further pain, and continued perceived rejection....... i can tolerate just
about anything....... except rejection...... it consumes me from inside....
and kills me little by little........ and destroys my heart....... and the
sad part.. is its almost always entirely in my own mind........ welcome to
my world......
Erica
this is a scary topic for me.......I also feel rejection at every turn....the
motivator of every thought and action...to avoid it and run from it. A
simple glance away from me when talking is like a slap in the face...yet, now
knowing why I feel that gnawing at every trun, I can cope with it a little
better...and know it's not me or the end of my world.....it's just the way
I'm wired up...in my mind....and if I step back, I can usually figure that
out...if I give myself the time to do so.....
if I question my every thought...
Setting these really huge, impossible expectations that NOBODY can meet. and
then feeling rejected or abandoned when these expectations are not met.....
it goes on and and on.......
If I can only realize that these people can fail and be human and are not
there for my every whim........and embrace their human-ness.....then I, too
can be and feel human...
Tom
Friendship
