Once I was as close as one can get to suicide without actually doing it,
and I went to the hospital instead tho I don't really know why. I often
have suicidal ideations. When something significant goes wrong, I think
that I just don't want to live thru the pain, and that the rest of my
life will be just periods of pain and no happiness, so I should die now
to avoid it. This is always caused by feelings of loneliness or
abandonment or having no hope for the future or that I'll never change
who I am and that I am worthless.
anon.
When I was in my late 20's and 30's, I half heartedly attempted suicide.
I wanted to die at the moment but didn't have the courage to do it. I
think I wanted someone to stop and stop my pain in some other way...*I*
didn't know how but figured the one someone who loved me would. And if
they didn't care enough to stop it, then I might as well be dead anyway.
I haven't felt like actually killing myself for many years and know I
wouldn't again. However, I have felt that *somehow* I wish I were dead
if I lost my rock (my husband). I couldn't imagine life without him and
wouldn't know what to do. Either if he left me, or if he died. That
throws me into a panic. Otherwise I can handle anything else.
Diane
Not suicidal. No suicidal ideations. I don't know why I escaped this.
V.
Yes I have. It's not anything I'm proud of. I did because I wanted to
leave. I wanted to get close to God, who is in heaven. I wanted to be with
my Dad, who died 16 years ago. I wanted because I couldn't stand to be
in such a big pain. My sorrow of life was overwhelming. I was not good
enough for my kids (what I thought). I was not worth to be alive. I didn't
know the meaning of life. I still don't. Noone liked me, I thought. I was
just so depressed... There was no meaning... I rather leave myself than be
left by anyone else... This is so much pain in this... I can't even
describe it good enough... I didn't think things could ever get better.
There was just darkness without any light at all... What's the point to
stay alive then?
I still have sucidial ideations and it's hurting bad. Not as strong as
before nor as often as before. But right now I'm having a rough time to
talk myself into not doing such a thing again. I think I have these
thoughts of suicide because I'm very tired. I haven't slept well for a
while. Always when I haven't I get worse, and when I am to have my period,
too. And when my therapist is gone for vacation, and when she is about to
come back... When I feel loneley... When I'm very sad and can't get any
rest... When I feel confused and double about things... When I get too
much pressure on myself... When I don't get enough space for just me and
my thoughts... When I feel unsecure about what's happening around me and
my family... When I think all of the bad things that happen all over the
world and in my own family... Oh, this is already getting too much.......
Y.E.
The first time I tried to commit suicide was when I was age 10 because I was
terrified of being punished by my abusive parent and felt hopeless about my
life ever changing. Feelings of hopelessness drove me to attempt suicide
twice more when I was in my twenties. Now I simply hold the idea of it as a
last resort and not something that I am likely to do.
Claudine
Love
