You can support this site by shopping at

My wife of 2 years has self diagnosed herself with BPD. We have no children of our own-- she has 3, I have 2, we have 4 boys living at home. Under normal conditions we have a pretty good life and have many times felt very blessed.

The issues at hand are gross lying, deceit and spending. It hit full force in June of 2002; (directly prior to a visit from an Aunt.) She had decided to come clean and confess that she had gotten us seriously in debt(via a hand written note). We had purchased an acreage homesite the previous year(June 2001). This debt admission came after I repeatedly questioned her for months on how much she was spending and basically how our funds were holding up-- as we had separate accounts. I was repeatedly assured everything was 'A' ok.

She has turned out to be a very convincing liar.

Of course, my own failings were brought to light and we sought mutual marriage counseling--things were going quite well for many months. She told me repeatedly that she would never lie to me again and that she would gain my trust over time. She is a 'good' person and seemed genuine, I chose not to throw in the towel. I knew in my heart that we both wanted our marriage to work--I made the difficult decision NOT to walk away.

Yesterday-I checked the mail and paralysis followed. Then I checked her previous hiding place from June and I have come full circle on my difficult decision.

I was told months prior that the bills were paid off in full with the proceeds from the sale of her rental property. And all credit cards were torn up.

I asked her repeatedly before the Holidays not to "charge Christmas" She said "no way, don't worry about that, I promise" she of course did not keep her promise. As I dug deeper into her hiding spot I uncovered cards with $4-6K balances, 24% to 32% APR and late fees for a 3 month period of $350.

Once I knew the truth--I slowly questioned her usage and was met with more lies. When she realized I possessed information, they changed to partial lies. Then, there was the dumbfounded look that I really had a very strong desire to slap (until then, I have never in my life been tempted to hit a woman).

We were doing so well together! I was feeling stronger about us, our marriage, our relationship. I had just been bragging to our families about our success! She likewise had seemed proud of our accomplishments and continually gave the all clear.

Now, after her recent self BPD diagnosis, she asks "is there anyway you can stay with me while I work on this?".

I fully realize that her problems run deep, are there not success stories out there? It seems most of the BPD/Non-BPD relationships end in "ex's".(?)

I love this woman deeply and feel that I have found my long sought soul-mate. Now, I question everything and put it under a microscope. I do not want to live my life in this way--our children will suffer because of it.

I am looking for some hope, without any sugar-coating. I feel that I should be able to have faith in my wife's promises.


Looking for genuine hope.

  • Non-Borderline Main Page