My wife of 2 years has self diagnosed herself with BPD. We have no children
of our own-- she has 3, I have 2, we have 4 boys living at home.
Under normal conditions we have a pretty good life and have many
times felt very blessed.
The issues at hand are gross lying, deceit and spending. It hit full force
in June of 2002; (directly prior to a visit from an Aunt.) She had decided
to come clean and confess that she had gotten us seriously in debt(via a
hand written note). We had purchased an acreage homesite the previous
year(June 2001). This debt admission came after I repeatedly questioned her
for months on how much she was spending and basically how our funds were
holding up-- as we had separate accounts. I was repeatedly assured
everything was 'A' ok.
She has turned out to be a very convincing liar.
Of course, my own failings were brought to light and we sought mutual
marriage counseling--things were going quite well for many months.
She told me repeatedly that she would never lie to me again and that she
would gain my trust over time. She is a 'good' person and seemed genuine, I
chose not to throw in the towel. I knew in my heart that we both wanted our
marriage to work--I made the difficult decision NOT to walk away.
Yesterday-I checked the mail and paralysis followed. Then I checked her
previous hiding place from June and I have come full circle on my difficult
I was told months prior that the bills were paid off in full with the
proceeds from the sale of her rental property. And all credit cards were
I asked her repeatedly before the Holidays not to "charge Christmas" She
said "no way, don't worry about that, I promise" she of course did not keep
her promise. As I dug deeper into her hiding spot I uncovered cards with
$4-6K balances, 24% to 32% APR and late fees for a 3 month period of $350.
Once I knew the truth--I slowly questioned her usage and was met with more
lies. When she realized I possessed information, they changed to partial
lies. Then, there was the dumbfounded look that I really had a very strong
desire to slap (until then, I have never in my life been tempted to hit a
We were doing so well together! I was feeling stronger about us, our
marriage, our relationship. I had just been bragging to our families about
our success! She likewise had seemed proud of our accomplishments and
continually gave the all clear.
Now, after her recent self BPD diagnosis, she asks "is there anyway you can
stay with me while I work on this?".
I fully realize that her problems run deep, are there not success stories out
there? It seems most of the BPD/Non-BPD relationships end in "ex's".(?)
I love this woman deeply and feel that I have found my long sought
Now, I question everything and put it under a microscope. I do not
want to live my life in this way--our children will suffer because of it.
I am looking for some hope, without any sugar-coating.
I feel that I should be able to have faith in my wife's promises.
Looking for genuine hope.
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